Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
