I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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