Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I look better un-naked...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
