I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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