Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
