Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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