even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize