Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
