I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
