I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have aggressive nipples.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
