i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
