I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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