I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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