Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
