how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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