Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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