playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
