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No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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