He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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