1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
