Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
