"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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