My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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