i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
