One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
