I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
