Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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