ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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