My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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