I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
