I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
