There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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