Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
