We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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