this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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