I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
