nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
