I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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