When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
