She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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