well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
