if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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