the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
