Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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