Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
