I wish my penis had an off switch
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize