My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
