I don't think brook has ever known best
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
