Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I've blown a few things in my day
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
