I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
