this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
