the condom got lost in my hair
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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