life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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