I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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