Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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