Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
