Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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