They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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