Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
