Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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