This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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