shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
