Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize