I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
