my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
