It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
