god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
