I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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