if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
