i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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