Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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