you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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