you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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