We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
