Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
