I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
