i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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