I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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