It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
