I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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