P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
