This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
