Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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