you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
