3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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