Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
