Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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