He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
