I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
