Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize